I hate my husband

I thought about writing this letter to my husband but I decided its not worth it.

Why? Because i've nit picked at his flaws for so long that he now seeks to protect himself for my words (can't blame him)

Why do I nitpic? lol because I am a child! HE STARTED IT!!! (turns lips upside down and points fingers)

I can hear an adult now "two wrongs don't make a right"
Me: Oh really? Then will someone explain how two negatives multiplied makes a positive then!!!

Anyway...I'm putting my letter here.

I love you so much. I love you so much that when you show me your disappointment its hard for me to bounce back quickly.

You are an encourager, you do well with that you really do. But sometimes I can get a little sensitive.

I cooked so much yesterday and anticipated your needs (a clean home). I made sure the kitchen was clean, and all meals prepped and of course after this I was a little hungry so I wanted to sit for a moment and get myself a little rested before the ladies came.

All I can see is you coming out and saying "move this magazine" "make sure you clean the bathroom and do this and do that." Made my flesh BOIL.

I'm not saying you can't give a reminder or encourage/admonish me and I know you want the house to be presentable but its a bit of a slap in the face when all I was doing all day was cooking/cleaning and intended to continue cleaning and all i'm hearing is make sure you do this and do that...showing your lack of confidence in me and acting like a parent. Micromanaging everything you wanted done. Its so infuriating!

My husband is a bully. period. he is a controlling micromanaging bully. Its a basic principles that you learn in the playground. When a bully keeps messing with you, you mess with him and he'll stop! So that's what I do. I BULLY THE MESS OUT OF HIM!!! And it feels good. Feels great actually.

But now I have the mind of Christ and it doesn't feel so good anymore. Christ says when someone slaps your face, you turn the other cheek. I hate him. I hate my husband. that is the current thought and I have to renew my mind.

The bible says to pray for your enemies so I will pray for him, my husband. I won't pray for my protection, because God got me. So I will pray for him. Because the makeup of a bully is insecurity.

God I pray for my husbands insecurity. I don't know what they entirely are but insecurities come from a level of brokeness. You ar a God that you shall not lie, you heal broken hearts and mend shattered dreams. You do not want to see your children stay broken. You know that we are strong and can withstand bouts of pressure and that if we cling to you we will sustain. So Lord, whatever it was that he endured. Whatever it was that caused him his brokeness, whether me or anyone else heal him Lord. For your glory sake. Give me the strength that I need to deal with his micromanaging and nit picking ways. This is a trait he may never forsake, every wrong cannot be made perfect, so help me to be flexible and wise and to have an attitude of grace so that I am not easily offended lord.

Thank you In Jesus name
Amen.