Day 25: Love Forgives/Apology

This area, right here, apology? I have an issue with this. I have a serious issue saying I am sorry when I've committed an offense. I guess, haughty? Prideful definitely. This is an area I must change. I just don't believe in really saying it unless you really believe it and are willing to do something about it. Prove it in your actions. Sorry doesn't mean anything. Especially if you do it again. That's just my motto. So its not that I dont believe in saying sorry at all. Its that I belive that if you are sorry--you do something about it.

Love dare says that this is the toughest dare in the book.

But I have forgiven my husband for his ways upon my life. It is hard but I do it daily. I believe he rushed us into marriage, for the right reasons---honorable yes, but there is a way that seems right to man. Its amazing how his decisions alter my life and I am to just be thankful for that? "You ought to be grateful" why? because you think its honorable? I mean, is it honorable for a father to choose a husbnd for his daughter without consulting her---the man has a great job, he's a man of God, he works, he's faithful. I mean, she ought to be greatful? But she should be able to freely choose. Not given ultimatums. I'm tired of being backed into a corner. I think a separation is truly best. I'm in so much limbo. I can't tell my left from my right.

Day 24: Love vs Lust/ Affection

The world is passing away, and also its lusts; but the one who does the will of God lives forever.-1 john 2:17

Just like Adam and Eve, we have been supplied with everything we need by God. We can have a full, productive, enriching life. Our material needs food and clothing are always provided to us (Matthew 6:25-33). We should also learn and practice contentment with these (1 Timothy 6:8). God's blessings, however, go so far beyond fundamental needs. He also gives us His love, Spirit, and Word upon us. But like Adam and Eve--we still want more.

I am like this. I'm very lusty. I had a dream today. I dreamt of an an old friend from midwood. Her name is Bowali or something like that. And apparently, she was recently divorced. I asked her about this and she said that she was happily married but an old fling from her past came his name was Navigator. She felt so in love with him and she felt that the love was so intense that she could not help herself. She decided that she has one life to live and she was going to be bold enough to follow her heart. She divorced her devoted husband and went after this man; Navigator. And their relationship did not last one bit. Now, she was faced with a ruined marriage and a broken fling but she was going to church always trying to repair herself. As she was telling me this I could not help but think of myself. Except in the dream, it wasn't Devon it was someone else named Randy. I wanted to talk to Bowali about Randy because I know that she knew him very well. I told Bowali that I was in the same boat--in love with someone from H.S. and I told her Randy and she looked at me sideways and said "that man is full of lust he doesn't want to do anything but sleep with you. He is incapable of loving anyone but himself."

It was so hard for me to let go of all the dreams and possibilities but that's what I had to do. I didn't want to. And IN the dream I saw myself trying to petition my love for Randy and tell him how I feel tell him i love him dearly but he became so irrational and upset and filled with wrath. I could tell from then that he really did in fact want nothing but my body and did not want my heart or anything to do with love. I felt so bad because I really wanted this to work in spite of my marriage.

My heart was captured by curiosity in my old H.S. Crush. Wondering, wanting, desiring. I always got this gut feeling that it would never be anything. That he didn't really care for me like in a strong way. I made a practice to avoid men like that. Users and time wasters. But then I fell into sin and sin revived in me something awful and little by little my ability to discern truth from error because harder and harder. I was getting sucked into the lust of the world trying to find any outlet for getting attention and love I felt I deserved. And I found nothing. Its been 10 years later and I have found nothing. Nothing in this world that has satisifed me or quenched my thirst or even made me feel renewed. I'm always left empty but its like a maze. Its like you never stop and say okay--let me just get out of this game period because its pointless. You keep searching and looking because you get these little prizes along the way that keep you longer than you wanted to stay. But I want to hear well done. I want to hear you finished this race. You cannot finish a race in a maze that has no end. I have been deceived. I was filled with self-righteous behavior crediting my will with as if it were my own. Calling myself holier and better than most and having pride behind that-no humility whatsoever! I did not know that it was the grace of God that kept me. I thought it was me, my strength, my self control, mine, mine, mine. But I have come to find that I am full of decit and wickedness and perverse behaviors.  I can say--- "oh, well, I struggle with this because out of my past birthed this new behavior that would not have been there." But what about Christ? That he would say if someone smacks you--you turn the other cheek! Why? Because If you started out talking to someone in a holy manner do not allow their actions to corrupt your behavior--you lose the mind of CHrist that way. Instead, continue on, carry on, as you were before with a forgiving and understanding peaceful stance.

When someone uses you, abueses you---you do not render evil for evil. If it is a dangerous place of course seek protection from authorities. But if it is something lustful or deceitful and someone took advantage of you walk away. and know that it is God alone who carried you moving your feet one ahead of the other. Because if it would have been you! You would ravish that person from limb to limb. That is the disgusting hearted nature of man. We are so evil. And sin is a gateway to hell. With no restraint we would eat our own children. And it has been done before. With no restraint, with one thought after the other considering everything that comes to mind WITH NO RESTRAINT!!! we would justify any disgusting vile behavior that we can only say we hate because of the love of God. Without that, we would know no better!!!  My God help us, help me! We need it. You are my only hope Lord. Apart from you I can do nothing.

I'm getting it now. I'm starting to see, who I really am. And when i come to really see who I am God will help me to believe in who I can be through Him. But first--I have to go through this. I can't escape my reality or how in the world will I ever be thankful for a God I don't know and for me who I don't know. I need to know my disgust so I can see how he can turn me white as snow.  God, the love of God, is the ultimate fairy tale story. Knight in shining armor, savior and king. He is everything.

I love you Lord.

Key points"

-Lust makes good things that we don't own into the objects of our future happiness instead of God. And for a believer, its a step out of fellowship with God

(Father forgive me sincerely)

I have made D an idol in my life. I made him my obsession?! wow, so sad.

Lust-always restlessly wants more. James 4:1 "What is the source of wars and fights among you? DOn't they come from the cravings that are at war within you?"

Lust: Will make you dissatisfied with your spouse, no matter how appealing or amazing he is. <---this is so true. This is what I have been doing over and over. FInding faults. Finding reasons why I should go some place else! Wow, this is a blessing to read because I needed this healing and deliverance.

Lust fuels anger, numbs hearts and destroys marriages. Rather than fullness, it leads to emptiness.

Lust: is a misguided thirst for satisfaction that only God can fulfill. Lust is like a warning lighton the dashboard of your heart, alerting you to the fact that you're not allowing God's love to fill you.

If I focus on Him, my actions will lead me to lasting Joy, not to endless cycles of regret and condemntation.

Dare:

End it now. Identify any obsession of object of lust in your life and let go of it. Expose any lie you've swallowed in pursuing forbidden pleasure and reject it. Lust cannot be allowed to live in a back closet. It must be killed and destroyed today. Focus on thanking God that He and what He provides can satisfy you and meet all your needs.

Today's Dare: Failed

I was supposed to get rid of anything that is an object of my lust. I couldn't do it. I've been here before. Done this before. And I'm so ashamed of myself. I imagine Satan roaming about laughing, snickering and heckling at God. Like--see...she won't even turn away from her wickedness. I guess your Love is not enough. The beauty of the good news is that we don't have to be into our sin. We can rejoice and have the mind of Christ and have freedom. But even with a choice, like Israel, we choose bondage because its familiar.

I can't stay like this. God, help me rid myself of my lusts and desires of the world. Of someone I believe I love but am truly only lusting for. Help me. His voice, his smile, his hugs, affection. His touch, his calm demeanor, even the parts of him underdeveloped and sad I have compassion for.

I don't know how I'm getting through this if not by God' grace?!? But today. Today I admit I am weak and afraid that i'll lose him I miss him. I have to choose who I will serve and I don't want to believe I'm serving myself or him. But that is what the devil said. He told Eve "you shall not surely die, instead you will be like God." I mean I started out wanting to get rid of it but then I looked at it and could not get rid of it. The devil wants me to believe that I don't have to get rid of that idol. But I know that I do. So...I'm going to do it. I'm going to throw it out. I am doing this because I love God more than myself. I love God more than my fears and my desires and more than my beliefs. I trust you Lord and I believe that you can satisfy me. So I am doing this for you because it pleases me to Love you more. I am not doing this because I believe I can better myself. I am doing this because I am pushing the thing out of the way that is keeping you away in myown heart. Like Abraham said, offer it up to God and do it quickly. Just let it go.

I did it. Its gone. Thank you God for equipping me with the strength. A part from you I can do nothing. The enemy will not and does not have to have a foot hold on me. I can do all things, the most difficult things through Christ who strengthens me.

Day 23: Love Always Protects/Appreciation

Love always protects. - 1 Corinthians 13:7

We didn't get married as enemies. We got married as friends. Our marriage was actually very tragic and our relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend was very traumatic.

My husband, no fault of his own, but my life around him. I have a very soft spot for. It's hard for me to say no to him. He knows this. He uses it to his advantage--who wouldn't?

I didn't want to get married. I got used to the thought of it. The planning. The partying. The fact that we made it. I looked forward to how "sweet" our love story appeared for face value when I really knew how ugly our love really was.

And then--there was the spiritual side. We didn't want to fall into sin. He wants to make an honest woman out of me. How could I not say "yes" when other guys out there were full of scum. Self-seeking and denied the power of Christ. Why would I want any of them?

But make no mistake about it. This was no dream fairy tale. This was an obligation. On both ends. Maybe that's not such a bad thing? who says that marriage has to be based on all things good?

What I'm saying is that marrying him. And regretting our marriage for 2.5 and having to psych myself often that it was the best decision is only based on what is going on at the time.

I mean---I hated this man year 1 and year 2 I had to psych myself. Force affection. Force love. Force attentiveness. Force myself all the time. Fight to demonstrate and believe it.

Year 1.5 it started to make more sense. I had very little distraction and honestly--as I said...slim pickings out there. I ought to be grateful!!! Because truth is, as I always say. My husband is a good man. So whats my deal? Possibly unrealistic expectations. The other reason is because I hate living in his world. Its foreign to me. We speak differently languages, have different principles, express things differently across the board. So being with him--is constant work. CONSTANT. And he's very compelling and persuasive--should have been a car sales man.

So when I am with him, around him---I am working. So I get tired. I love the thought of being a wife. But being HIS wife? yikes that was tough. Around year 2--he started to lighten up tremendously. Mostly because I was working all the time. We had our fights but nothing crazy. My biggest gripe with him, my constant plea was "you don't know me or seek to know me." He can't help himself. He loves to live in his world. He hates to be uncomfortable. He shows his irritation immediately and is not flexible. So when I was a change of scenery and to live in my world--he can't hang. He buys me things he likes. He has no idea what I don't like lol. ahhh misery. I might as well be alone. But he sharpens me because he doesn't make this love walk easy AT ALL.

By year 2.5 work was getting stressful. When I had a chance to pause. Then the hate and resentment came flooding back.

So I have to get back on track with my marriage. The best part is---my crazy husband is now completly sane. He's so much better. Less rough around the edges. So now, I have GOT TO DO MY PART.

I have to defend and protect our marriage:

The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hand -Proverbs 14:1

Lord help me to gain wisdom. To make smart decisions. help me Lord to not continuously back slide into old thoughts and rationalization. Help me lord to have a stick to my guns mentality. To be courageous in love.

Today's Dare:

Remove anything that is hindering your relationship, any addiction or influence that is stealing your affections and turning your heart away from your spouse.

I am going to stop going on instagram. I have plenty of saved pictures and reminders of inspiration that I can look through daily. They are my "favs" and plus they take up so much space on my phone that to add any of the same and not meditate on what is there is sily.

This will help me to stop seeing or meddling with things I shouldn't.  To help me I am going to set up a reminder for me and sign out of IG for the remainder of the year.

Day 22: Love is Faithful

I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness. Then you will know the Lord- Hosea 2:20

As Christians, love is the basis of our whole identity. As God's children, He gives us the name "Beloved," which means we are ones who are unconditionally loved by God. The focus of our lives becomes loving God and loving other.

I have not been faithful emotionally to my husband. I've been carrying on a serious emotional affair for an old friend. Its terrible but daily I do my work. Some days are better than others.

Can I love my husband? Yes. And its gets easier by day with the grace of God I have peace in my heart. I'm less angrier and bitter. Sometimes I go through it, usually around my cycle but mostly I don't hate him anymore.

I remember when he and I fought. I didn't know if I should take him back. Many time when I think back, I think to myself I should have left him then. I was so fearful of him. But I loved him and I knew deep down he loved me too and I knew deep down he just lost his temper. It wasn't an ongoing issue--it could have been. But I knew it did not have to be the end for he and I. I believed that I could give it one more shot. Truth be told...I didn't really think that he would never put his hands on me. All I could think is if I make it out alive this time...I'm definitely leaving and I'm not turning back. I kind of hoped for that. I hoped for that because I was tired of him. Tired of the mundane lack luster and controlling obnoxious patheticness that was him AT TIMES. Most times, he was a sweet endearing husband who tried his best. But sometimes---seriously--i wanted to kill myself. Everything with him--the simple things in life he gives me grief. When I think those things--I hate him lol so I try not to think of the once in a blues and think about who he is 85% of the time. A man that loves me and does his best in everything. That counts for a lot.

Today's Dare

I told Pat I love him no matter what. I do this daily anyway so I know that it would not be a surprising statement and I know he feels the same way about me.

If Christ does not beat in my heart, this love is impossible because I will quickly go into self pleasurable behaviors. Whatever I want to do however I see fit. And let me tell you the Christian life is a battlefield. Because there are some days when I live in my flesh completely. BUT those are the days I feel most miserable. Most convicted. I am free when I am obedient to the voice of God.

Day 20: Love is Jesus Christ: Abiding

 Do I feel loved by God? Sometimes. Sometimes, I dont  experience it but I know it.

-You will never fully love others until you first grasp His love for you personally.

When I feel unloved--I am not looking at the cross. He proved His love for you there.

Dare:

Lord Jesus, I am a sinner. But you have shown your love for me by dying to forgive my sins, and You have proven Your power to save my from death by Your ressurection. Lord, change my heart, and save me by Your grace. Fill me with Your love.

Day 19: Love is Impossible/Abiding

I think this will be my first abiding experience. I did not score very well. For the next couple of days I will spend time in this area.

I have not been consistent with my love dares either. Its like I saw how well it was working and kind of tapered off of my regimen. But I must get back to it.

My regimen was as follows

-pray when I woke up
-make a cup of coffee
-listen to joyce meyers (while drinking said coffee and taking notes)
-go for a 30 minute walk (Reading love dare and soul ties)
-run up some stairs


I reflected often on my dare and how I would incorporate it. At night I would enter my journal entry on the results.

This is something I am going to get back to this week. I am also going to incorporate more green smoothies because I have been slothful with proper eating habits.

The secret to a healthy marriage:

You cannot manufacture unconditional love (agape love) out of your own imperfect heart. It's impossible. It's beyond yor natural abiity. It's beyond all of our capabilities.

This is true. When I first met my husband. I was in my word all the timelearning about love and how majestic and royal it is. I sought to demonstrate true love and fell in love with a very difficult teenager. I was determined to love him and not let go. BIG PREMATURE MISTAKE. I just did not know how important it would be for me to stay in my word. I became more and more obsessed with proving to him that my love was true than I was concerned about my love for God.

The more I tried, the more difficult he became-Constantly testing me.

My human nature kicked in and the love of God was beginning to drain out. Finally I decided to quit. By this time he realized his mistake in punishing me for my "sweet heart" and decided to turn around and make an effort. It has been about 6 years since then and I am still recovering and he is still tryint to prove to me that he's worth my love.

What my husband does not understand is that the young girl he fell in love with was spirit filled (not spirit led) but she drew away from God. The woman he married, is all carnal. The Spirit of God dwells in me but many times I do not listen. So our love is complicated. But now I am learning and I see what I've done wrong and how I can right these wrongs.

It takes commitment to longsuffer. I have to shed my fears and do this thing or my marriage won't make it.

My love for my husband is not strong enough to keep me from being deceptive, manipulative, lusting after anything or being judgmental. My love is not capabale at keeping my anger at bay. It did not always motivate me to willingly apologize fully forgive or bring peace.

Mankind's sinful condition will keep us from being able to be consistent in a perfect kind of love. We've all fallen short of God's standards.


As for my husband, by the time he came back for me, I could no longer love him. My love cup was completely empty. I used up all my reserves. I was left with a sinful resentful heart, full of bitterness anger and strife. I hated him. I still hate my husband even now. Not my husband, but I hate that boy that I dated and whats worse is that I married that boy and I have a hard time differentiating because I feel like I never walked away from that absuive boy. Although I have enterened into a new relationship and all the old has been cleansed and washed away.

Wow!! Selfish Springs do not produce selfless water.

Thank God I can have the mind of Christ! Love is from God. It is only when we turn away from our selfishness and sincerely ask Jesus to step into our lives and take control of us that our deepest need for love is met and our greatest ability to love begins.

Apart from God I can do nothing.

Day 18: Love seeks to Understand: Attention

How blessed is the man who finds wisdom, and the man who gains understanding-Proverbs 3:13

How much do you know about your mate? How often do I seek to understand my husband? I am into my fitness, and eating clean. I read up on it. I follow instagram postings about it. I practice it. Its a struggle but I am persistent.

When Patrick and I were dating, I watched his every move. I noticed that he does not like onions in his food. He doesn't like saucy things either. I learned that he enjoys eating food that is dry. I learned how he manages relationships etc. I know he loves basketball. I know his dreams and aspirations. He now wants to become a cop. Its possible that my thoughts on him have drifted. Above all his things his personality is centered on loyalty and discipline. He does not divide himself.

I have to think of this as a life long journey. Getting to know Patrick and the man of God that he is. His desires are different. Now, Patrick, is bolder in the things of the Lord. He is fearless. I have to ask God how can I accomodate the man he is creating?

Proverbs 18:2 A fool does not delight in understanding, but only in revealing his own mind.

-This is paramount for me. In my studies I have learned to be self aware. Thinking and exploring my feelings to the umpteenth degree but with no plans. My ways are not the Lords ways so if I want to be obedient to God then I just have to cancel out myself. How can I deny myself?

I am going to make Patrick and I a special dinner. Or, we can buy something outside or drink some Smoothies since he's trying to cut back on sweets and such.

I am going to suggest that we

1. Play Christmas Carols and decorate the house.
2. Discuss what are some ways/plans that we can deny ourselves so that we can make room in our minds to have the mind of Christ.
3. I notice that he is changing. What can I do, what adjustments can I make to help him be God's man? I see that he is more bold.

Questions to further explore.
1. What did I learn about Patrick that I did not know before?

2. How can I continue this process of discovery in other ways, at other times?

3. What were some of the moments that made this evening memorable?

Day 17: Love Promotes Intimacy/Acceptance

Marriage is designed to be the most intimate of all human relationships-emotionally, physically, spiritually. Greater than with your parents, siblings, best friend

I don't always feel like I can tell my husband my secrets. Most of them have to deal with him. Most of my trauma and disappointments comes from him so I dont want to talk to him about them. But recently I've learned to take my own part and deal with that.  But for the most part I feel like I trust him. I haven't been so trustworthy but there are some things I know he would not want out so as a friend I vow to keep it in house and not utter a word to anyone. I asked him if he believes that he can tell me personal intimate things and he said yes. So that is good!

I am so happy that these love Dares have been so helpful! Its been a blessing.!

Begin building emotional intimacy with your mate. Determine today to guard your mate’s secrets and to pray for them. Talk with your spouse and listen with acceptance, opening up to them as well. Make them feel safe.

Day 16: Love Interceedes/Allowing

I learned about intercessory prayer in College. I never believed that you could pray for someone if they did not touch and agree. 

I still have to learn about it. But Through the Love Dare I learned that when you experience your spouses' flaws...its not for you to complain about them, its for you to pray about them. Who else will know my husbands dirty laundry but me? Who else can pray for him the way I can? No one. So when you become aware your responsibility level increases.

Pray for truth to replace lies

Forgiveness replaces bitterness

Pray for a genuine breakthrough

My hearts desires-for love and honor to become the norm. Romance and intimacy go  to a deeper level.

Selfishness turns to selflessness.

Demands turn to honor and an appetite adjusted for what my husband can provide.

Matthew 7:7 Ask and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.”

Today’s Dare

Begin praying for your spouse’s heart. Pray for three specific areas where you desire for God to work in your spouse’s life and in your marriage.

I pray that my husband learns to stand in his truth. Not to nit pick at himself in perfectionism, but rather see his dirtiness and not to think too highly of himself so that he can make adjustments. And whereever he cannot see I believe in the power and might of the fruit of the spirit and gifts that God will change  him. I pray for his faith level, he hungers and thirsts to have faith that will not be sore amazed. A faith in you Lord that he believes for miracles, expects them to happen and to watch them come to pass. That his faith is strong even through himself. At this point his Faith is in you completely, but he has no faith in you working in him so right now God I thank you that you stir up your spirit inside him reminding him that it is in you that you that he lives

Day 15: Love is Honorable; Apology

Honor? I don't know what Honor is, and could not demonstrate it if I tried. See, I'm a realist ya know...so i weigh between optimism and pessimism...depends on who is listening.

Here's the thing about Honor...Honor is something that can be perceived as undeserved. You may not know what a person did to get into a position of Honor but even if you don't sometimes its easier to respect and honor that person because they have no flaws associated with them.

But what happens when you know too much. You start to see humanity reign and you no longer honor that person sometimes.
SO when I say I don't know how to honor I mean in both realms...I can honor when I view a person optimistcally but not pessimistically.

When you honor someone you make a quick adjustment in their presence. When they speak you are attentive. When they need something you go get it and you do it quickly. You respect them.

Its holy...its set a part...its not talking about perfection but its more about not texting while im in his presence. My husband needs to have  a place in my heart that no one else can rival. No one else is supposed to get this treatment, endearment or love like he should.

Love rises above the cloudy circumstances and soars above the storm. It defies common, self-centered logic. It chooses to honor even when it's rejected. Love treats its beloved as a special and sacred even when an ungrateful attitude is all it gets in return.

Seek ways to give honor to my husband. That's what love dares to do-it says "of all the relationships I have, I will value our the most. Of all the people for whom I'm willing to sacrifice, I will sacrifice the most for you. With all your failures, sins, mistakes, and faults-past and present-I still choose the GOd-honoring way to a better marriage and better life. I choose to love and honor you."

Today's Dare: Honor Patrick and be more attentive than I normally am. Listen to his every word and need. Show that he is getting higher esteem than anyone else.

I did this to a degree but not too much. I don't really let Pat know that I am attending to him but I try to do this a little everyday so he knows hes on my mind. I'd give myself a C+ I have to learn to show Patrick the ways that I am honoring him. He really likes this.

Day 14: Love Takes Delight: Affection

One of the things this chapter says is you should not follow your heart, you should lead it!

WOW What an epiphany! to lead my heart! Its so contrary to what you learn in life. But its so beneficial to apply it.

Newly weds feel their love. Its fresh and strong. But over time when it gets tested the strength of it gives a little and a little more. Older weds can have that same freshness if they delight in their spouse. Its a decision. Have an appetite for exactly what your spouse can give to you.

Love that chooses to love is just as beautiful as love that feels like loving. This is an area that I struggle in immensely. Its what I believe is very close to the root of my bad wife behavior. I am not satisfied with the ways of my husband. I believed that I could have better elsewhere. I had many opportunities to leave this man. But I had a fear of failure of leaving him when we were younger. Actually, I think I would have done myself better had I just left and choose God instead. Why? Because I put myself through a lot of abuse and therefore I resented him. I hate him. I hate what he's done to me and how he's embarrassed me.  I still hate him even now. Its kind of diabolical actually. On one hand, I care about him, for him, my heart melts when I think of him. But when I reflect on the things he's done and his foolish ways a rage rises up in me and I want instant vindication. BUT God will vindicate me. God will take care of me. Hopefully my husband does not have to get exposed and I hope that we can be okay. But the bad that he has done has lessened considerably over the years. In fact, many of his bad traits are undetectable. He's grown up. BUT Ive held on to the past.

So I want to move forward in delight. Okay so my husband does not have a good sense of humor...what does he have that I cherish? He is responsible...so I will think on those things, delight in those things and think up on what I can do to help him so that I can find my joy in the lord.

The Love Dare that I completed where many fold. i made a flyer for our event and I volunteered to hand them out all over the complex. He was so proud and happy, very excited. I give myself an A+ because I would normally never want to do this but I volunteered and we did it together and I had a goood attitude about it as well.

Day 12: Love lets the other win: Allowing

I am as stubborn as an OX!! I've always sought my own way. There are times when I definitely give in to my husband BUT when I feel like it.

Philippians 2:5 says the attitude of willingness, flexibility, and humble submission. It means laying down for the good of others.

God had every right to refuse becoming a man yet He yielded and did--because He was willing. He had the right to be served by all mankind but came to serve us instead. He had the right to live in peace and safety but willingly laid down His life for our sins. He was even willing to endure the grueling torture of the cross. He loved, cooperated, and was willing to do His Father's will instead of His own.

Galations 6:9 says do not get weary in well doing. We will reap the harvest IF we do not give up. How sad would it be for me to lose so much if I give up right now. I have to press on.


Today's Dare
Demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse. Tell them you are putting their preference first.

What issue did you choose? What did giving in cost you? How will this help you in the future?

Yesterday, I made my chocolate bear some Labouie its a Haitian dish that is made with jiffy corn, lots of milk, sugar, cinnamon and butter. Its thick, creamy, sweet and yummy. Perfect Fall breakfast.

Today, he wanted some more. But i didn't feel like doing it. I did it anyway. And at Church, I wanted to be up front but he wanted to sit in the back because he was tired. I was upset about that....but went to the back anyway. I am still learning to have the attitude of Christ. He could have spat on the people who spat on him and I think just about everyone would understand he was frustrated. But he took a humble approach. A Flexible approach to the changes. He was going from walking around freely to being held captive and he submitted to this for the greater good.

I give myself a C+ today because I gave in to two things, one thing I was more light hearted about, but the second thing I was not.

Allegence vs Dependance

I was taking a walk on the treadmill. Learning about soul-ties. Learning about unhealthy dependence and I was thinking about a friend of mine that I have inordinate affections for. I thought about how crazy my romance thoughts were of him when I was a teenager and how out of order they were then. I thought about how my ideals and affinity for love/marriage/wife status was wrong. I thought about how much I need to separate my idea of romance to unleash myself from this ideals that chokes me out.  I felt like someone just took all the colors out of the coloring book-lack luster. Like I didn't care anymore, I didn't want to care. I just wanted to be the wife that I could be, make my husband happy forget about my happiness...finish this race and die! I wanted to die because my dreams of marriage had been shattered. I didn't want to have any further expectations.

I heard the Lord say "keep your allegiance to your husband, but depend on me." I said okay but kept on walking and didn't think much of it until today. Why? Because, first, I was upset and I was going off on a tangent about not wanting to love like I used to love. Second. because I don't really know what an allegiance is. Its not part of my every day language. I can use it in a sentence and everything but I dont really get it.

What is an allegiance?

al·le·giance

əˈlējəns/

noun

noun: allegiance; plural noun: allegiances

1.

loyalty or commitment of a subordinate to a superior or of an individual to a group or cause.

"those wishing to receive citizenship must swear allegiance to the republic"

synonyms:

loyalty, faithfulness, fidelity, obedience, homage, devotion; More historicalfealty; formaltroth "allegiance to the queen"

antonyms:

disloyalty, treachery

Origin

late Middle English: from Anglo-Norman French, variant of Old French ligeance, from lige, liege (see liege), perhaps by association with Anglo-Latin alligantia ‘alliance.

(d) A legal obedience, where a particular law requires the taking of an oath of allegiance by subject or alien alike.
Natural allegiance was acquired by birth within the Sovereign's dominions (except for the issue of diplomats or of invading forces or of an alien in enemy occupied territory). The natural allegiance and obedience is an incident inseparable to every subject, for as soon as they are born they owe by birthright allegiance and obedience to the Sovereign 

1. Loyalty to a superior
2. Those that wish to receive citizenship. So in order to belong you must swear, promise make a proclamation an OATH (marriage oath).
3. synonyms include: faithfulness, fidelity, obedience, homage, devotion.
4. Antonyms include: disloyalty, treachery!

There is a legal allegiance and a natural one.
Legal: requires you to take an oath
Natural: was acquired by birth.

To posses either allegiance, you are required to be obedient.

Obedient to what? The laws that are governed.

What laws are there? There are Gods laws and then there are mans. In USA we respect and obey both. It is not God's law for us to stop at a red light. God says to be obedient to our superiors so when they set laws we follow them. This means that when you run a red light, on purpose or by accident you have just broken the law. You could go to jail, you could be fined you could get a slap on the wrist. It depends. But one thing is for sure if you have a habit of breaking the law...you will be confined! Why? Because you can't be trusted.

IF you are in a true Christian relationship, your husband is using the laws of God to govern how he treats you, speaks to you, love on you, honors you, cherishes you and he should do this as he does unto his own body. God has laws for me too as a wife and I should follow that.

THEN
My husband, being a leader, he has his own laws that he needs followed which demonstrate a natural order that he is accustomed to or sees fit.

There are ALWAYS going to be extreme cases. I am not speaking for the husband who wants his wife to come fill up his coffee and bring it to him in the shower to drink because he can.

I'm not talking about the husband who demands that a wife vaccum 3x a day just because.

I'm not discussing what one should do if there are in an extreme situation, you need to seek further counseling for that.

This is just the basics.

For example. My husband does not believe friends of the opposite sex can be friends. Some husbands do. My husband does not. So, I don't have male friends.

My husband likes a clean house. So, I try to upkeep the house.

My husband likes for me to tell him where I'm going and what time i'll be back; keep him informed. I'm working on this. 

Dependance 

de·pend·ence

diˈpendəns/

noun

noun: dependence

1.

the state of relying on or being controlled by someone or something else.

"Japan's dependence on imported oil"

• reliance on someone or something for financial support.

  "the dependence of our medical schools on grant funds"

  Origin

  

  1. The state of being dependent, as for support.

  2.
  

  a. Subordination to someone or something needed or greatly desired.

  b. Trust; reliance. See Synonyms at trust.

  3. The state of being determined, influenced, or controlled by something else.

  1. the state or fact of being dependent, esp for support or help

  2. reliance; trust; confidence

  3. Rare an object or person relied upon

  So God wants me to be dependant on him. Now this part I got immediately but i've heard it all the time. I relate it to say to rely upon Him. But I forgot the other parts the other synonyms.
  
  Synonyms include: reliance, trust, hope, confidence, belief, faith, expectation, assurance. Overrelance, need, attachment, vulnerable.
  
  How does one act when they trust in something. Theres a previous expectation so much so that when the expectation is not there we are taken aback. I'm not taken aback by anything of God. If I pray for something and it doesn't happen--i'm not all that surprised. BUT When I pray for something and IT HAPPENS!!! IM SHOCKED! So this means that my trust in God is that he WONT come through. I have no confidence in him.
  
  And then there is the attachment part, the I need you part. I'm uncomfortable if I dont sense you around me part. I don't have that either. My God! We have a lot of work to do! I am not all that vulnerable to Him. I act like I'm better off. I'm like Eve, I doubt that God gave me the best. I want the other stuff, it will give me what I aint got.
  
  
  Antonyms include disbelief, distrust...and a big doozey INDIFFERENCE!
  
  Indifference. That is the worst place, and I'll tell you why.
  
  See, when you distrust someone you know them enough to know not to trust them. Sometimes it could even be ambiguous, a little on the reluctant side. For example, people who are flip floppy. You want to go talk to them but you don't know which version you're gonna get so you are in limbo. But you know them enough to EXPECT that you can get either or.
  
  To not believe in God is awful and we all struggle with this one way or another but this is the next level. When someone consistently disappoints you, you stop believing in them altogether. "i'll be there I promise" the person says "I don't believe you" not "I dont trust you"
  
  But then, there is indifference YIKES! This is like total knock out level.
  
  You...don't...care...either...way. It really doesn't matter. Its like a child who hardened their heart toward their father. If he comes to her recital she doesn't care. If he doesn't show up, she doesn't notice he's not there. She has no expectations of him whatsoever, he might as well be a complete stranger.
  There is no relationship in indifference.

  So there you have it. Both Allegiance and Dependence have to do with being a subordinate.  

  I need to have an allegiance to God and my husband but I also need to be dependent upon God as well not my husband. 

  I can trust in God, can't trust my husband.

  God says he will never leave me nor forsake me but my vows said "till death do us part" 

  Think Long term. Don't develop an affinity for the things that will rust, rot away. 

 

Day 11: Love Cherishes: Appreciation

desire identity adoration and belonging



Appreciation
None of us entered into marriage wanting to tear down and wound our spouse's esteem. And yet time and human nature will inevitably lead us there unless we actively begin to notice, appreciate, and affirm the positive qualities present in our spouse. Where this is a struggle for you, take time often to rehearse and be thankful for their strengths and uniqueness. Become diligent in protecting them from words that would harm or embarrass them. Tell them every day how valuable they are to you, and endeavor to treat them with greater honor than you do anyone else in the world.

Today’s Dare How can you warm the heart of your spouse today? Look for opportunities to bring warmth to the coldness in his or her life. If possible, give them an unexpected, tender touch. Choose a gesture that says, “I cherish you.” And do it with sincerity. How did you choose to show that you cherish your mate? What did you learn from this experience> Today I chose to make my husband some Labouie. I felt the morning chill and it reminded me of my mom or grandma that would make us Labouie on an early Saturday or Sunday morning. It was so creamy, sweet, had vanilla extract and cinnamon. It was so perfect and filling and delicious and it always made you feel special. I wanted my chocolate teddy to feel that way. Special and I let him know that. I give myself an A+ because I even went out of my way to get some extracts to make it taste really authentic. He even told me that when he warmed some up at work, the people at his job were crying out saying "omg that smells soooo good" he felt proud.