Do I feel loved by God? Sometimes. Sometimes, I dont experience it but I know it.
-You will never fully love others until you first grasp His love for you personally.
When I feel unloved--I am not looking at the cross. He proved His love for you there.
Dare:
Lord Jesus, I am a sinner. But you have shown your love for me by dying to forgive my sins, and You have proven Your power to save my from death by Your ressurection. Lord, change my heart, and save me by Your grace. Fill me with Your love.
Saturday, November 30, 2013
Day 19: Love is Impossible/Abiding
I think this will be my first abiding experience. I did not score very well. For the next couple of days I will spend time in this area.
I have not been consistent with my love dares either. Its like I saw how well it was working and kind of tapered off of my regimen. But I must get back to it.
My regimen was as follows
-pray when I woke up
-make a cup of coffee
-listen to joyce meyers (while drinking said coffee and taking notes)
-go for a 30 minute walk (Reading love dare and soul ties)
-run up some stairs
I reflected often on my dare and how I would incorporate it. At night I would enter my journal entry on the results.
This is something I am going to get back to this week. I am also going to incorporate more green smoothies because I have been slothful with proper eating habits.
The secret to a healthy marriage:
You cannot manufacture unconditional love (agape love) out of your own imperfect heart. It's impossible. It's beyond yor natural abiity. It's beyond all of our capabilities.
This is true. When I first met my husband. I was in my word all the timelearning about love and how majestic and royal it is. I sought to demonstrate true love and fell in love with a very difficult teenager. I was determined to love him and not let go. BIG PREMATURE MISTAKE. I just did not know how important it would be for me to stay in my word. I became more and more obsessed with proving to him that my love was true than I was concerned about my love for God.
The more I tried, the more difficult he became-Constantly testing me.
My human nature kicked in and the love of God was beginning to drain out. Finally I decided to quit. By this time he realized his mistake in punishing me for my "sweet heart" and decided to turn around and make an effort. It has been about 6 years since then and I am still recovering and he is still tryint to prove to me that he's worth my love.
What my husband does not understand is that the young girl he fell in love with was spirit filled (not spirit led) but she drew away from God. The woman he married, is all carnal. The Spirit of God dwells in me but many times I do not listen. So our love is complicated. But now I am learning and I see what I've done wrong and how I can right these wrongs.
It takes commitment to longsuffer. I have to shed my fears and do this thing or my marriage won't make it.
My love for my husband is not strong enough to keep me from being deceptive, manipulative, lusting after anything or being judgmental. My love is not capabale at keeping my anger at bay. It did not always motivate me to willingly apologize fully forgive or bring peace.
Mankind's sinful condition will keep us from being able to be consistent in a perfect kind of love. We've all fallen short of God's standards.
As for my husband, by the time he came back for me, I could no longer love him. My love cup was completely empty. I used up all my reserves. I was left with a sinful resentful heart, full of bitterness anger and strife. I hated him. I still hate my husband even now. Not my husband, but I hate that boy that I dated and whats worse is that I married that boy and I have a hard time differentiating because I feel like I never walked away from that absuive boy. Although I have enterened into a new relationship and all the old has been cleansed and washed away.
Wow!! Selfish Springs do not produce selfless water.
Thank God I can have the mind of Christ! Love is from God. It is only when we turn away from our selfishness and sincerely ask Jesus to step into our lives and take control of us that our deepest need for love is met and our greatest ability to love begins.
Apart from God I can do nothing.
I have not been consistent with my love dares either. Its like I saw how well it was working and kind of tapered off of my regimen. But I must get back to it.
My regimen was as follows
-pray when I woke up
-make a cup of coffee
-listen to joyce meyers (while drinking said coffee and taking notes)
-go for a 30 minute walk (Reading love dare and soul ties)
-run up some stairs
I reflected often on my dare and how I would incorporate it. At night I would enter my journal entry on the results.
This is something I am going to get back to this week. I am also going to incorporate more green smoothies because I have been slothful with proper eating habits.
The secret to a healthy marriage:
You cannot manufacture unconditional love (agape love) out of your own imperfect heart. It's impossible. It's beyond yor natural abiity. It's beyond all of our capabilities.
This is true. When I first met my husband. I was in my word all the timelearning about love and how majestic and royal it is. I sought to demonstrate true love and fell in love with a very difficult teenager. I was determined to love him and not let go. BIG PREMATURE MISTAKE. I just did not know how important it would be for me to stay in my word. I became more and more obsessed with proving to him that my love was true than I was concerned about my love for God.
The more I tried, the more difficult he became-Constantly testing me.
My human nature kicked in and the love of God was beginning to drain out. Finally I decided to quit. By this time he realized his mistake in punishing me for my "sweet heart" and decided to turn around and make an effort. It has been about 6 years since then and I am still recovering and he is still tryint to prove to me that he's worth my love.
What my husband does not understand is that the young girl he fell in love with was spirit filled (not spirit led) but she drew away from God. The woman he married, is all carnal. The Spirit of God dwells in me but many times I do not listen. So our love is complicated. But now I am learning and I see what I've done wrong and how I can right these wrongs.
It takes commitment to longsuffer. I have to shed my fears and do this thing or my marriage won't make it.
My love for my husband is not strong enough to keep me from being deceptive, manipulative, lusting after anything or being judgmental. My love is not capabale at keeping my anger at bay. It did not always motivate me to willingly apologize fully forgive or bring peace.
Mankind's sinful condition will keep us from being able to be consistent in a perfect kind of love. We've all fallen short of God's standards.
As for my husband, by the time he came back for me, I could no longer love him. My love cup was completely empty. I used up all my reserves. I was left with a sinful resentful heart, full of bitterness anger and strife. I hated him. I still hate my husband even now. Not my husband, but I hate that boy that I dated and whats worse is that I married that boy and I have a hard time differentiating because I feel like I never walked away from that absuive boy. Although I have enterened into a new relationship and all the old has been cleansed and washed away.
Wow!! Selfish Springs do not produce selfless water.
Thank God I can have the mind of Christ! Love is from God. It is only when we turn away from our selfishness and sincerely ask Jesus to step into our lives and take control of us that our deepest need for love is met and our greatest ability to love begins.
Apart from God I can do nothing.
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Day 18: Love seeks to Understand: Attention
How blessed is the man who finds wisdom, and the man who gains understanding-Proverbs 3:13
How much do you know about your mate? How often do I seek to understand my husband? I am into my fitness, and eating clean. I read up on it. I follow instagram postings about it. I practice it. Its a struggle but I am persistent.
When Patrick and I were dating, I watched his every move. I noticed that he does not like onions in his food. He doesn't like saucy things either. I learned that he enjoys eating food that is dry. I learned how he manages relationships etc. I know he loves basketball. I know his dreams and aspirations. He now wants to become a cop. Its possible that my thoughts on him have drifted. Above all his things his personality is centered on loyalty and discipline. He does not divide himself.
I have to think of this as a life long journey. Getting to know Patrick and the man of God that he is. His desires are different. Now, Patrick, is bolder in the things of the Lord. He is fearless. I have to ask God how can I accomodate the man he is creating?
Proverbs 18:2 A fool does not delight in understanding, but only in revealing his own mind.
-This is paramount for me. In my studies I have learned to be self aware. Thinking and exploring my feelings to the umpteenth degree but with no plans. My ways are not the Lords ways so if I want to be obedient to God then I just have to cancel out myself. How can I deny myself?
I am going to make Patrick and I a special dinner. Or, we can buy something outside or drink some Smoothies since he's trying to cut back on sweets and such.
I am going to suggest that we
1. Play Christmas Carols and decorate the house.
2. Discuss what are some ways/plans that we can deny ourselves so that we can make room in our minds to have the mind of Christ.
3. I notice that he is changing. What can I do, what adjustments can I make to help him be God's man? I see that he is more bold.
Questions to further explore.
1. What did I learn about Patrick that I did not know before?
2. How can I continue this process of discovery in other ways, at other times?
3. What were some of the moments that made this evening memorable?
How much do you know about your mate? How often do I seek to understand my husband? I am into my fitness, and eating clean. I read up on it. I follow instagram postings about it. I practice it. Its a struggle but I am persistent.
When Patrick and I were dating, I watched his every move. I noticed that he does not like onions in his food. He doesn't like saucy things either. I learned that he enjoys eating food that is dry. I learned how he manages relationships etc. I know he loves basketball. I know his dreams and aspirations. He now wants to become a cop. Its possible that my thoughts on him have drifted. Above all his things his personality is centered on loyalty and discipline. He does not divide himself.
I have to think of this as a life long journey. Getting to know Patrick and the man of God that he is. His desires are different. Now, Patrick, is bolder in the things of the Lord. He is fearless. I have to ask God how can I accomodate the man he is creating?
Proverbs 18:2 A fool does not delight in understanding, but only in revealing his own mind.
-This is paramount for me. In my studies I have learned to be self aware. Thinking and exploring my feelings to the umpteenth degree but with no plans. My ways are not the Lords ways so if I want to be obedient to God then I just have to cancel out myself. How can I deny myself?
I am going to make Patrick and I a special dinner. Or, we can buy something outside or drink some Smoothies since he's trying to cut back on sweets and such.
I am going to suggest that we
1. Play Christmas Carols and decorate the house.
2. Discuss what are some ways/plans that we can deny ourselves so that we can make room in our minds to have the mind of Christ.
3. I notice that he is changing. What can I do, what adjustments can I make to help him be God's man? I see that he is more bold.
Questions to further explore.
1. What did I learn about Patrick that I did not know before?
2. How can I continue this process of discovery in other ways, at other times?
3. What were some of the moments that made this evening memorable?
Friday, November 15, 2013
Day 17: Love Promotes Intimacy/Acceptance
Marriage is designed to be the most intimate of all human
relationships-emotionally, physically, spiritually. Greater than with your
parents, siblings, best friend
I don't always feel like I can tell my husband my secrets. Most of them have to deal with him. Most of my trauma and disappointments comes from him so I dont want to talk to him about them. But recently I've learned to take my own part and deal with that. But for the most part I feel like I trust him. I haven't been so trustworthy but there are some things I know he would not want out so as a friend I vow to keep it in house and not utter a word to anyone. I asked him if he believes that he can tell me personal intimate things and he said yes. So that is good!
I am so happy that these love Dares have been so helpful! Its been a blessing.!
Begin building emotional intimacy with your mate. Determine
today to guard your mate’s secrets and to pray for them. Talk with your spouse
and listen with acceptance, opening up to them as well. Make them feel safe.
Day 16: Love Interceedes/Allowing
I learned about intercessory prayer in College. I never believed that you could pray for someone if they did not touch and agree.
I still have to learn about it. But Through the Love Dare I learned that when you experience your spouses' flaws...its not for you to complain about them, its for you to pray about them. Who else will know my husbands dirty laundry but me? Who else can pray for him the way I can? No one. So when you become aware your responsibility level increases.
Pray for truth to replace lies
Forgiveness replaces bitterness
Pray for a genuine breakthrough
My hearts desires-for love and honor to become the norm.
Romance and intimacy go to a deeper
level.
Selfishness turns to selflessness.
Demands turn to honor and an appetite adjusted for what my
husband can provide.
Matthew 7:7 Ask and it will be given to you; seek, and you
will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.”
Today’s Dare
Begin praying for your spouse’s heart. Pray for three
specific areas where you desire for God to work in your spouse’s life and in
your marriage.
I pray that my husband learns to stand in his truth. Not to nit pick at himself in perfectionism, but rather see his dirtiness and not to think too highly of himself so that he can make adjustments. And whereever he cannot see I believe in the power and might of the fruit of the spirit and gifts that God will change him. I pray for his faith level, he hungers and thirsts to have faith that will not be sore amazed. A faith in you Lord that he believes for miracles, expects them to happen and to watch them come to pass. That his faith is strong even through himself. At this point his Faith is in you completely, but he has no faith in you working in him so right now God I thank you that you stir up your spirit inside him reminding him that it is in you that you that he lives
Day 15: Love is Honorable; Apology
Honor? I don't know what Honor is, and could not demonstrate it if I tried. See, I'm a realist ya know...so i weigh between optimism and pessimism...depends on who is listening.
Here's the thing about Honor...Honor is something that can be perceived as undeserved. You may not know what a person did to get into a position of Honor but even if you don't sometimes its easier to respect and honor that person because they have no flaws associated with them.
But what happens when you know too much. You start to see humanity reign and you no longer honor that person sometimes.
SO when I say I don't know how to honor I mean in both realms...I can honor when I view a person optimistcally but not pessimistically.
When you honor someone you make a quick adjustment in their presence. When they speak you are attentive. When they need something you go get it and you do it quickly. You respect them.
Its holy...its set a part...its not talking about perfection but its more about not texting while im in his presence. My husband needs to have a place in my heart that no one else can rival. No one else is supposed to get this treatment, endearment or love like he should.
Love rises above the cloudy circumstances and soars above the storm. It defies common, self-centered logic. It chooses to honor even when it's rejected. Love treats its beloved as a special and sacred even when an ungrateful attitude is all it gets in return.
Seek ways to give honor to my husband. That's what love dares to do-it says "of all the relationships I have, I will value our the most. Of all the people for whom I'm willing to sacrifice, I will sacrifice the most for you. With all your failures, sins, mistakes, and faults-past and present-I still choose the GOd-honoring way to a better marriage and better life. I choose to love and honor you."
Today's Dare: Honor Patrick and be more attentive than I normally am. Listen to his every word and need. Show that he is getting higher esteem than anyone else.
I did this to a degree but not too much. I don't really let Pat know that I am attending to him but I try to do this a little everyday so he knows hes on my mind. I'd give myself a C+ I have to learn to show Patrick the ways that I am honoring him. He really likes this.
Here's the thing about Honor...Honor is something that can be perceived as undeserved. You may not know what a person did to get into a position of Honor but even if you don't sometimes its easier to respect and honor that person because they have no flaws associated with them.
But what happens when you know too much. You start to see humanity reign and you no longer honor that person sometimes.
SO when I say I don't know how to honor I mean in both realms...I can honor when I view a person optimistcally but not pessimistically.
When you honor someone you make a quick adjustment in their presence. When they speak you are attentive. When they need something you go get it and you do it quickly. You respect them.
Its holy...its set a part...its not talking about perfection but its more about not texting while im in his presence. My husband needs to have a place in my heart that no one else can rival. No one else is supposed to get this treatment, endearment or love like he should.
Love rises above the cloudy circumstances and soars above the storm. It defies common, self-centered logic. It chooses to honor even when it's rejected. Love treats its beloved as a special and sacred even when an ungrateful attitude is all it gets in return.
Seek ways to give honor to my husband. That's what love dares to do-it says "of all the relationships I have, I will value our the most. Of all the people for whom I'm willing to sacrifice, I will sacrifice the most for you. With all your failures, sins, mistakes, and faults-past and present-I still choose the GOd-honoring way to a better marriage and better life. I choose to love and honor you."
Today's Dare: Honor Patrick and be more attentive than I normally am. Listen to his every word and need. Show that he is getting higher esteem than anyone else.
I did this to a degree but not too much. I don't really let Pat know that I am attending to him but I try to do this a little everyday so he knows hes on my mind. I'd give myself a C+ I have to learn to show Patrick the ways that I am honoring him. He really likes this.
Monday, November 11, 2013
Day 14: Love Takes Delight: Affection
One of the things this chapter says is you should not follow your heart, you should lead it!
WOW What an epiphany! to lead my heart! Its so contrary to what you learn in life. But its so beneficial to apply it.
Newly weds feel their love. Its fresh and strong. But over time when it gets tested the strength of it gives a little and a little more. Older weds can have that same freshness if they delight in their spouse. Its a decision. Have an appetite for exactly what your spouse can give to you.
Love that chooses to love is just as beautiful as love that feels like loving. This is an area that I struggle in immensely. Its what I believe is very close to the root of my bad wife behavior. I am not satisfied with the ways of my husband. I believed that I could have better elsewhere. I had many opportunities to leave this man. But I had a fear of failure of leaving him when we were younger. Actually, I think I would have done myself better had I just left and choose God instead. Why? Because I put myself through a lot of abuse and therefore I resented him. I hate him. I hate what he's done to me and how he's embarrassed me. I still hate him even now. Its kind of diabolical actually. On one hand, I care about him, for him, my heart melts when I think of him. But when I reflect on the things he's done and his foolish ways a rage rises up in me and I want instant vindication. BUT God will vindicate me. God will take care of me. Hopefully my husband does not have to get exposed and I hope that we can be okay. But the bad that he has done has lessened considerably over the years. In fact, many of his bad traits are undetectable. He's grown up. BUT Ive held on to the past.
So I want to move forward in delight. Okay so my husband does not have a good sense of humor...what does he have that I cherish? He is responsible...so I will think on those things, delight in those things and think up on what I can do to help him so that I can find my joy in the lord.
The Love Dare that I completed where many fold. i made a flyer for our event and I volunteered to hand them out all over the complex. He was so proud and happy, very excited. I give myself an A+ because I would normally never want to do this but I volunteered and we did it together and I had a goood attitude about it as well.
WOW What an epiphany! to lead my heart! Its so contrary to what you learn in life. But its so beneficial to apply it.
Newly weds feel their love. Its fresh and strong. But over time when it gets tested the strength of it gives a little and a little more. Older weds can have that same freshness if they delight in their spouse. Its a decision. Have an appetite for exactly what your spouse can give to you.
Love that chooses to love is just as beautiful as love that feels like loving. This is an area that I struggle in immensely. Its what I believe is very close to the root of my bad wife behavior. I am not satisfied with the ways of my husband. I believed that I could have better elsewhere. I had many opportunities to leave this man. But I had a fear of failure of leaving him when we were younger. Actually, I think I would have done myself better had I just left and choose God instead. Why? Because I put myself through a lot of abuse and therefore I resented him. I hate him. I hate what he's done to me and how he's embarrassed me. I still hate him even now. Its kind of diabolical actually. On one hand, I care about him, for him, my heart melts when I think of him. But when I reflect on the things he's done and his foolish ways a rage rises up in me and I want instant vindication. BUT God will vindicate me. God will take care of me. Hopefully my husband does not have to get exposed and I hope that we can be okay. But the bad that he has done has lessened considerably over the years. In fact, many of his bad traits are undetectable. He's grown up. BUT Ive held on to the past.
So I want to move forward in delight. Okay so my husband does not have a good sense of humor...what does he have that I cherish? He is responsible...so I will think on those things, delight in those things and think up on what I can do to help him so that I can find my joy in the lord.
The Love Dare that I completed where many fold. i made a flyer for our event and I volunteered to hand them out all over the complex. He was so proud and happy, very excited. I give myself an A+ because I would normally never want to do this but I volunteered and we did it together and I had a goood attitude about it as well.
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Day 12: Love lets the other win: Allowing
I am as stubborn as an OX!! I've always sought my own way. There are times when I definitely give in to my husband BUT when I feel like it.
Philippians 2:5 says the attitude of willingness, flexibility, and humble submission. It means laying down for the good of others.
God had every right to refuse becoming a man yet He yielded and did--because He was willing. He had the right to be served by all mankind but came to serve us instead. He had the right to live in peace and safety but willingly laid down His life for our sins. He was even willing to endure the grueling torture of the cross. He loved, cooperated, and was willing to do His Father's will instead of His own.
Galations 6:9 says do not get weary in well doing. We will reap the harvest IF we do not give up. How sad would it be for me to lose so much if I give up right now. I have to press on.
Today's Dare
Demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse. Tell them you are putting their preference first.
What issue did you choose? What did giving in cost you? How will this help you in the future?
Yesterday, I made my chocolate bear some Labouie its a Haitian dish that is made with jiffy corn, lots of milk, sugar, cinnamon and butter. Its thick, creamy, sweet and yummy. Perfect Fall breakfast.
Today, he wanted some more. But i didn't feel like doing it. I did it anyway. And at Church, I wanted to be up front but he wanted to sit in the back because he was tired. I was upset about that....but went to the back anyway. I am still learning to have the attitude of Christ. He could have spat on the people who spat on him and I think just about everyone would understand he was frustrated. But he took a humble approach. A Flexible approach to the changes. He was going from walking around freely to being held captive and he submitted to this for the greater good.
I give myself a C+ today because I gave in to two things, one thing I was more light hearted about, but the second thing I was not.
Sunday, November 3, 2013
Allegence vs Dependance
I was taking a walk on the treadmill. Learning about soul-ties. Learning about unhealthy dependence and I was thinking about a friend of mine that I have inordinate affections for. I thought about how crazy my romance thoughts were of him when I was a teenager and how out of order they were then. I thought about how my ideals and affinity for love/marriage/wife status was wrong. I thought about how much I need to separate my idea of romance to unleash myself from this ideals that chokes me out. I felt like someone just took all the colors out of the coloring book-lack luster. Like I didn't care anymore, I didn't want to care. I just wanted to be the wife that I could be, make my husband happy forget about my happiness...finish this race and die! I wanted to die because my dreams of marriage had been shattered. I didn't want to have any further expectations.
I heard the Lord say "keep your allegiance to your husband, but depend on me." I said okay but kept on walking and didn't think much of it until today. Why? Because, first, I was upset and I was going off on a tangent about not wanting to love like I used to love. Second. because I don't really know what an allegiance is. Its not part of my every day language. I can use it in a sentence and everything but I dont really get it.
What is an allegiance?
al·le·giance
əˈlējəns/
noun
noun: allegiance; plural noun: allegiances
1.
loyalty or commitment of a subordinate to a superior or of an individual to a group or cause.
"those wishing to receive citizenship must swear allegiance to the republic"
| antonyms: | disloyalty, treachery |
Origin
late Middle English: from Anglo-Norman French, variant of Old French ligeance, from lige, liege (see liege), perhaps by association with Anglo-Latin alligantia ‘alliance.
(d) A legal obedience, where a particular law requires the taking of an oath of allegiance by subject or alien alike.
Natural allegiance was acquired by birth within the Sovereign's dominions (except for the issue of diplomats or of invading forces or of an alien in enemy occupied territory). The natural allegiance and obedience is an incident inseparable to every subject, for as soon as they are born they owe by birthright allegiance and obedience to the Sovereign
Natural allegiance was acquired by birth within the Sovereign's dominions (except for the issue of diplomats or of invading forces or of an alien in enemy occupied territory). The natural allegiance and obedience is an incident inseparable to every subject, for as soon as they are born they owe by birthright allegiance and obedience to the Sovereign
1. Loyalty to a superior
2. Those that wish to receive citizenship. So in order to belong you must swear, promise make a proclamation an OATH (marriage oath).
3. synonyms include: faithfulness, fidelity, obedience, homage, devotion.
4. Antonyms include: disloyalty, treachery!
There is a legal allegiance and a natural one.
Legal: requires you to take an oath
Natural: was acquired by birth.
To posses either allegiance, you are required to be obedient.
Obedient to what? The laws that are governed.
What laws are there? There are Gods laws and then there are mans. In USA we respect and obey both. It is not God's law for us to stop at a red light. God says to be obedient to our superiors so when they set laws we follow them. This means that when you run a red light, on purpose or by accident you have just broken the law. You could go to jail, you could be fined you could get a slap on the wrist. It depends. But one thing is for sure if you have a habit of breaking the law...you will be confined! Why? Because you can't be trusted.
IF you are in a true Christian relationship, your husband is using the laws of God to govern how he treats you, speaks to you, love on you, honors you, cherishes you and he should do this as he does unto his own body. God has laws for me too as a wife and I should follow that.
THEN
My husband, being a leader, he has his own laws that he needs followed which demonstrate a natural order that he is accustomed to or sees fit.
There are ALWAYS going to be extreme cases. I am not speaking for the husband who wants his wife to come fill up his coffee and bring it to him in the shower to drink because he can.
I'm not talking about the husband who demands that a wife vaccum 3x a day just because.
I'm not discussing what one should do if there are in an extreme situation, you need to seek further counseling for that.
This is just the basics.
For example. My husband does not believe friends of the opposite sex can be friends. Some husbands do. My husband does not. So, I don't have male friends.
My husband likes a clean house. So, I try to upkeep the house.
My husband likes for me to tell him where I'm going and what time i'll be back; keep him informed. I'm working on this.
2. Those that wish to receive citizenship. So in order to belong you must swear, promise make a proclamation an OATH (marriage oath).
3. synonyms include: faithfulness, fidelity, obedience, homage, devotion.
4. Antonyms include: disloyalty, treachery!
There is a legal allegiance and a natural one.
Legal: requires you to take an oath
Natural: was acquired by birth.
To posses either allegiance, you are required to be obedient.
Obedient to what? The laws that are governed.
What laws are there? There are Gods laws and then there are mans. In USA we respect and obey both. It is not God's law for us to stop at a red light. God says to be obedient to our superiors so when they set laws we follow them. This means that when you run a red light, on purpose or by accident you have just broken the law. You could go to jail, you could be fined you could get a slap on the wrist. It depends. But one thing is for sure if you have a habit of breaking the law...you will be confined! Why? Because you can't be trusted.
IF you are in a true Christian relationship, your husband is using the laws of God to govern how he treats you, speaks to you, love on you, honors you, cherishes you and he should do this as he does unto his own body. God has laws for me too as a wife and I should follow that.
THEN
My husband, being a leader, he has his own laws that he needs followed which demonstrate a natural order that he is accustomed to or sees fit.
There are ALWAYS going to be extreme cases. I am not speaking for the husband who wants his wife to come fill up his coffee and bring it to him in the shower to drink because he can.
I'm not talking about the husband who demands that a wife vaccum 3x a day just because.
I'm not discussing what one should do if there are in an extreme situation, you need to seek further counseling for that.
This is just the basics.
For example. My husband does not believe friends of the opposite sex can be friends. Some husbands do. My husband does not. So, I don't have male friends.
My husband likes a clean house. So, I try to upkeep the house.
My husband likes for me to tell him where I'm going and what time i'll be back; keep him informed. I'm working on this.
Dependance
de·pend·ence
diˈpendəns/
noun
noun: dependence
1.
the state of relying on or being controlled by someone or something else.
"Japan's dependence on imported oil"
- reliance on someone or something for financial support."the dependence of our medical schools on grant funds"Origin
1. The state of being dependent, as for support.2.
a. Subordination to someone or something needed or greatly desired.b. Trust; reliance. See Synonyms at trust.3. The state of being determined, influenced, or controlled by something else.1. the state or fact of being dependent, esp for support or help2. reliance; trust; confidence3. Rare an object or person relied uponSo God wants me to be dependant on him. Now this part I got immediately but i've heard it all the time. I relate it to say to rely upon Him. But I forgot the other parts the other synonyms.
Synonyms include: reliance, trust, hope, confidence, belief, faith, expectation, assurance. Overrelance, need, attachment, vulnerable.
How does one act when they trust in something. Theres a previous expectation so much so that when the expectation is not there we are taken aback. I'm not taken aback by anything of God. If I pray for something and it doesn't happen--i'm not all that surprised. BUT When I pray for something and IT HAPPENS!!! IM SHOCKED! So this means that my trust in God is that he WONT come through. I have no confidence in him.
And then there is the attachment part, the I need you part. I'm uncomfortable if I dont sense you around me part. I don't have that either. My God! We have a lot of work to do! I am not all that vulnerable to Him. I act like I'm better off. I'm like Eve, I doubt that God gave me the best. I want the other stuff, it will give me what I aint got.
Antonyms include disbelief, distrust...and a big doozey INDIFFERENCE!
Indifference. That is the worst place, and I'll tell you why.
See, when you distrust someone you know them enough to know not to trust them. Sometimes it could even be ambiguous, a little on the reluctant side. For example, people who are flip floppy. You want to go talk to them but you don't know which version you're gonna get so you are in limbo. But you know them enough to EXPECT that you can get either or.
To not believe in God is awful and we all struggle with this one way or another but this is the next level. When someone consistently disappoints you, you stop believing in them altogether. "i'll be there I promise" the person says "I don't believe you" not "I dont trust you"
But then, there is indifference YIKES! This is like total knock out level.
You...don't...care...either...way. It really doesn't matter. Its like a child who hardened their heart toward their father. If he comes to her recital she doesn't care. If he doesn't show up, she doesn't notice he's not there. She has no expectations of him whatsoever, he might as well be a complete stranger.
There is no relationship in indifference.So there you have it. Both Allegiance and Dependence have to do with being a subordinate.I need to have an allegiance to God and my husband but I also need to be dependent upon God as well not my husband.I can trust in God, can't trust my husband.God says he will never leave me nor forsake me but my vows said "till death do us part"Think Long term. Don't develop an affinity for the things that will rust, rot away.
Day 11: Love Cherishes: Appreciation
desire identity adoration and belonging
Appreciation
None of us entered into marriage wanting to tear down and wound our spouse's esteem. And yet time and human nature will inevitably lead us there unless we actively begin to notice, appreciate, and affirm the positive qualities present in our spouse. Where this is a struggle for you, take time often to rehearse and be thankful for their strengths and uniqueness. Become diligent in protecting them from words that would harm or embarrass them. Tell them every day how valuable they are to you, and endeavor to treat them with greater honor than you do anyone else in the world.
Today’s Dare
How can you warm the heart of your
spouse today? Look for opportunities to bring warmth to the coldness in his
or her life. If possible, give them an unexpected, tender touch. Choose a
gesture that says, “I cherish you.” And do it with sincerity.
How did you choose to show that
you cherish your mate? What did you learn from this experience>
Today I chose to make my husband some Labouie. I felt the morning chill and it reminded me of my mom or grandma that would make us Labouie on an early Saturday or Sunday morning. It was so creamy, sweet, had vanilla extract and cinnamon. It was so perfect and filling and delicious and it always made you feel special. I wanted my chocolate teddy to feel that way. Special and I let him know that. I give myself an A+ because I even went out of my way to get some extracts to make it taste really authentic. He even told me that when he warmed some up at work, the people at his job were crying out saying "omg that smells soooo good" he felt proud. |
Saturday, November 2, 2013
I hate my husband
I thought about writing this letter to my husband but I decided its not worth it.
Why? Because i've nit picked at his flaws for so long that he now seeks to protect himself for my words (can't blame him)
Why do I nitpic? lol because I am a child! HE STARTED IT!!! (turns lips upside down and points fingers)
I can hear an adult now "two wrongs don't make a right"
Me: Oh really? Then will someone explain how two negatives multiplied makes a positive then!!!
Anyway...I'm putting my letter here.
I love you so much. I love you so much that when you show me your disappointment its hard for me to bounce back quickly.
You are an encourager, you do well with that you really do. But sometimes I can get a little sensitive.God I pray for my husbands insecurity. I don't know what they entirely are but insecurities come from a level of brokeness. You ar a God that you shall not lie, you heal broken hearts and mend shattered dreams. You do not want to see your children stay broken. You know that we are strong and can withstand bouts of pressure and that if we cling to you we will sustain. So Lord, whatever it was that he endured. Whatever it was that caused him his brokeness, whether me or anyone else heal him Lord. For your glory sake. Give me the strength that I need to deal with his micromanaging and nit picking ways. This is a trait he may never forsake, every wrong cannot be made perfect, so help me to be flexible and wise and to have an attitude of grace so that I am not easily offended lord.
Thank you In Jesus name
Amen.
Day 10: Love is Unconditional: Acceptance
Unconditional love is a huuuggeee issue for me. I am a very justice oriented person. Fair is Fair...right is right...even steven!
These are MY philosophies and God's too...to a POINT! God has BALANCE!
I will prove it.
Concerning Sin
1. Everyone will have to account for their sin.
2. A judgment will be made and many will go to hell.
HOWEVER
1. God had Jesus die for our sins to blot out our transgressions
2. God gives us so much grace on earth
So God's law/judgment is JUST. Our? Not so much lol. God does not want a bunch of vigilanties running around. As a matter of fact, you know what happens to people who try to get justice into their own hands going around the justice system? They go to JAIL! lol There must be order. *gavel pounding sounds here*
Acceptance
I have a terrible acceptance issue, surprisingly. Which is really a tolerance issue, which is also a temper issue. YIKES!
From the Marriage Eval
The goal is to love your spouse unconditionally—praising them often, allowing them to fail, remaining patient until they see the need for change themselves, and being an encourager, not on the attack.
Today's Dare
Do something special for your spouse, something that shows it is based on your choice, your love for them and nothing else.
My outcome. I'd rate myself a 6.5
Today I chose to do some meal prep. My husband wants to go to the academy so he will probably be dropping 10-15lbs of fat and maybe work on gaining 10lbs of muscle. We want to work on his strength, his agility and endurance. And for that he needs fuel, real meals! No more frozen dinners and no snacks (which is what he ate in H.S.) He loves my home cooked meals so I made a BUNCH of healthy stuff. (meat loaf, braised chicken, roasted cauliflower, cilantro & lemon succotash, italian potato coins, kobacha squash) annnndd I kept the entire kitchen clean!
He has plenty of protein and veggies and we are going light on the carbs!
After all I did...all the cleaning, cooking, I was having some friends over and he got nit picky..."don't forget to clean the bathroom and the sink and move all that hair out of there...get this magazine off the table. I got so mad. He tried to hug me and I pulled away from him. He asked me "why are you so grrrr" and he made like a rigid gesture to mimic me. I didn't respond because my husband really doesn't want to listen to me anyway. He really doesn't. Most people don't want to listen, they want to be heard. What his real question was, is why do you act like that and treat me like this when I don't deserve it. My logic? When you slap someone and they slap you back...you don't wonder why they slap you back...you KNOW! you slapped them first or said something or whatever....you know its not random.
This shows me he is unaware of what he does. He disgusts me for his lack of awareness really. I have to change my attitude toward him and learn to accept him. So in closing. I started out a 10 until he started actin a fool and I lashed out. I gave myself a 6.5 because I was silent about it and didn't fuss out loud making things worse like I usually do. So C-
These are MY philosophies and God's too...to a POINT! God has BALANCE!
I will prove it.
Concerning Sin
1. Everyone will have to account for their sin.
2. A judgment will be made and many will go to hell.
HOWEVER
1. God had Jesus die for our sins to blot out our transgressions
2. God gives us so much grace on earth
So God's law/judgment is JUST. Our? Not so much lol. God does not want a bunch of vigilanties running around. As a matter of fact, you know what happens to people who try to get justice into their own hands going around the justice system? They go to JAIL! lol There must be order. *gavel pounding sounds here*
Acceptance
I have a terrible acceptance issue, surprisingly. Which is really a tolerance issue, which is also a temper issue. YIKES!
From the Marriage Eval
The goal is to love your spouse unconditionally—praising them often, allowing them to fail, remaining patient until they see the need for change themselves, and being an encourager, not on the attack.
Today's Dare
Do something special for your spouse, something that shows it is based on your choice, your love for them and nothing else.
My outcome. I'd rate myself a 6.5
Today I chose to do some meal prep. My husband wants to go to the academy so he will probably be dropping 10-15lbs of fat and maybe work on gaining 10lbs of muscle. We want to work on his strength, his agility and endurance. And for that he needs fuel, real meals! No more frozen dinners and no snacks (which is what he ate in H.S.) He loves my home cooked meals so I made a BUNCH of healthy stuff. (meat loaf, braised chicken, roasted cauliflower, cilantro & lemon succotash, italian potato coins, kobacha squash) annnndd I kept the entire kitchen clean!
He has plenty of protein and veggies and we are going light on the carbs!
After all I did...all the cleaning, cooking, I was having some friends over and he got nit picky..."don't forget to clean the bathroom and the sink and move all that hair out of there...get this magazine off the table. I got so mad. He tried to hug me and I pulled away from him. He asked me "why are you so grrrr" and he made like a rigid gesture to mimic me. I didn't respond because my husband really doesn't want to listen to me anyway. He really doesn't. Most people don't want to listen, they want to be heard. What his real question was, is why do you act like that and treat me like this when I don't deserve it. My logic? When you slap someone and they slap you back...you don't wonder why they slap you back...you KNOW! you slapped them first or said something or whatever....you know its not random.
This shows me he is unaware of what he does. He disgusts me for his lack of awareness really. I have to change my attitude toward him and learn to accept him. So in closing. I started out a 10 until he started actin a fool and I lashed out. I gave myself a 6.5 because I was silent about it and didn't fuss out loud making things worse like I usually do. So C-
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