Day 22: Love is Faithful

I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness. Then you will know the Lord- Hosea 2:20

As Christians, love is the basis of our whole identity. As God's children, He gives us the name "Beloved," which means we are ones who are unconditionally loved by God. The focus of our lives becomes loving God and loving other.

I have not been faithful emotionally to my husband. I've been carrying on a serious emotional affair for an old friend. Its terrible but daily I do my work. Some days are better than others.

Can I love my husband? Yes. And its gets easier by day with the grace of God I have peace in my heart. I'm less angrier and bitter. Sometimes I go through it, usually around my cycle but mostly I don't hate him anymore.

I remember when he and I fought. I didn't know if I should take him back. Many time when I think back, I think to myself I should have left him then. I was so fearful of him. But I loved him and I knew deep down he loved me too and I knew deep down he just lost his temper. It wasn't an ongoing issue--it could have been. But I knew it did not have to be the end for he and I. I believed that I could give it one more shot. Truth be told...I didn't really think that he would never put his hands on me. All I could think is if I make it out alive this time...I'm definitely leaving and I'm not turning back. I kind of hoped for that. I hoped for that because I was tired of him. Tired of the mundane lack luster and controlling obnoxious patheticness that was him AT TIMES. Most times, he was a sweet endearing husband who tried his best. But sometimes---seriously--i wanted to kill myself. Everything with him--the simple things in life he gives me grief. When I think those things--I hate him lol so I try not to think of the once in a blues and think about who he is 85% of the time. A man that loves me and does his best in everything. That counts for a lot.

Today's Dare

I told Pat I love him no matter what. I do this daily anyway so I know that it would not be a surprising statement and I know he feels the same way about me.

If Christ does not beat in my heart, this love is impossible because I will quickly go into self pleasurable behaviors. Whatever I want to do however I see fit. And let me tell you the Christian life is a battlefield. Because there are some days when I live in my flesh completely. BUT those are the days I feel most miserable. Most convicted. I am free when I am obedient to the voice of God.